Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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