Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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