I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
