ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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