I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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