a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
