i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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