My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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