i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
