think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
