Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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