He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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