What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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