i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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