Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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