It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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