remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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