why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
