I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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