Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
