I wish you could order shots online.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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