Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
