Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
