Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
