Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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