He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize