dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
