I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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