Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
