I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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