I've blown a few things in my day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
