that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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