he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
