my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
