Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
