allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
