Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
