It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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