So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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