My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize