i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
