I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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