LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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