Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
