i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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