Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My liver just had a heart attack.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
