i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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