I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
