For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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