So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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