My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
