you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
