She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
