Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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