I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
