Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
