you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
