omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
