anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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