Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
