I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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