I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
