i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
