U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
