He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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