I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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