he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize