could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
