ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
