I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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