$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
