he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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