he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
