I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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