I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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