My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
