i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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