I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
